* tantrum-ing 9 month old. (just b/c there is now a 35 inch distance between us doesn't mean i am gone forever.)
* bickering 4 year olds. (can't your almonds be called both "almonds" and "nuts?" can't we all just get along?)
* dog peeing on kitchen floor. (again? really?)
* taxes due. (oh, how it pains me to write that check!)
* husband absent. (new oooold truck bought with dishwasher-might-soon-die fund requires that many hours of love and attention?)
. . . so merideth eats.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
18th Note to Self - weigh-in
Down another 2 1/2! :) that's 12 1/2 total. Kinda excited. So excited I went clothes shopping. HAHAHaaa Yeah, good times. Note to the note to self, only go shopping when you are in a very good mood, or you'll want to kill people. But, I was in a good mood, and I did find a few things, so no prison time for me.
Even still, I need to be careful about the next time I go shopping. I remember getting very discouraged in the past by trying on and trying on and trying on and not having anything fit. (and that dresser room mirrors were went sent by the Devil!) I need to remember that this is going to be a long process. What's more important than fitting into smaller clothes, is being and feeling healthy! If I do that everything else will fall into place.
So be careful with expectations, self. Be aware of falling into traps that will take you off track.
me
Even still, I need to be careful about the next time I go shopping. I remember getting very discouraged in the past by trying on and trying on and trying on and not having anything fit. (and that dresser room mirrors were went sent by the Devil!) I need to remember that this is going to be a long process. What's more important than fitting into smaller clothes, is being and feeling healthy! If I do that everything else will fall into place.
So be careful with expectations, self. Be aware of falling into traps that will take you off track.
me
Thursday, April 9, 2009
17th Note to Self - thirsty
Heard from a very reliable source, the fourth grader.
When you feel hungry, you are actually thirsty, so drink water.
When you feel thirsty, you are actually dehydrated, so drink LOTS of water.
me
When you feel hungry, you are actually thirsty, so drink water.
When you feel thirsty, you are actually dehydrated, so drink LOTS of water.
me
Anon's First Note to Self - tips
My grandmother always told me to wait 10 minutes if I wanted to eat something 'bad'. Her theory was the urge would pass in that time, and if it didn't, then you deserved to eat it. Eat it, enjoy it, and move on.
Great tip! My grandmother always said if you eat something over the sink it doesn't count. Not really as helpful, huh?! I like this one, and will for sure be trying it out. ~michelle
Great tip! My grandmother always said if you eat something over the sink it doesn't count. Not really as helpful, huh?! I like this one, and will for sure be trying it out. ~michelle
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
16th Note to Self - chugging along
I'm getting used to not be so full I have to hunt down a rubber band and do the ole Unbutton-the-pants-and-connect-with-a-stretchy trick made famous by pregnant ladies WHO HAVE AN EXCUSE to use such a trick. I'm eating more slowly, drinking water between each bite, and overall not acting crazy about my food. It's such a relief to take things slowly and not act like someone else is going to steal my meal and keep it for themselves. I mean really, who's going to steal carrot sticks, grapes and veggie soup?? the 100 calorie kettle corn does get some longing glances, but I dare someone to take even one of those deliciously sweetened kernels from the fat girl. Go ahead, make my day, bitches.
All these smaller meals are, as promised by skinny switch, keeping my blood sugars even so I never crash. I am loving how I feel being on an even keel all the time.
so good job, self.
me
All these smaller meals are, as promised by skinny switch, keeping my blood sugars even so I never crash. I am loving how I feel being on an even keel all the time.
so good job, self.
me
Merideth's First note to self - self regulating
you know, in high school, if i overindulged over the holidays or whatever, and my jeans felt a little tight, i would almost subconsciously make little adjustments for the next couple of days and be right back on track, sizewise. it was just a natural thing to be ... i started to type "thin," but that's not right ... fit? normal? not the least bit chunky?
so, i'm thinkin' my first step needs to be analyzing what has stopped me from self-regulating? oprah? dr. phil? please feel free to contact me if you've got some insight...
so, i'm thinkin' my first step needs to be analyzing what has stopped me from self-regulating? oprah? dr. phil? please feel free to contact me if you've got some insight...
Monday, April 6, 2009
idea!
This may go over like a lead brick, but Merideth's post got me to thinking. What if you want to do something like this yourself, but don't really want a new blog?
Email me at notetoself@papertherapy.com (or post in comments) with your own "note to self" and I'll post a thread about it. I'll label with your name so your thoughts are easy to find. If a few of us do it we all could get some good thoughts to help us deal.
I dunno, just a thought. Might be fun.
me
Email me at notetoself@papertherapy.com (or post in comments) with your own "note to self" and I'll post a thread about it. I'll label with your name so your thoughts are easy to find. If a few of us do it we all could get some good thoughts to help us deal.
I dunno, just a thought. Might be fun.
me
15th note to self - lbs
Down 3, 2 weeks ago
then down 2 last week.
makes a total of 10 so far. go you :)
me
then down 2 last week.
makes a total of 10 so far. go you :)
me
what I'm doing
a'ight Merideth, Here goes.
I'm basically doing my own version of the "diet" at www.skinnyswitchsecret.com it's this site that I found of some infomercial while laying awake one night. Your general calorie counting system. Only it's kinda not. At least not for me.
You see, I've got a wealth of knowledge about food and portion sizes and all that crap from my time with Weight Watchers FOREVER ago. It's all still up there (which I find pretty amazing as nothing else really is) So when this skinny switch advertisement came on it just struck something within me.
I was ready.
When you are ready, it's not so much what you follow, or change, but that you are finally ready to make those changes.
Like with any other diet plan, it can't be a diet if you want to remain successful, forever. Having done this already (15 years ago) I did have some knowledge about myself. Over the last decade and a half I have been paying attention to my body and mind, even if I haven't done a damn thing about it. with my new found readiness I'm implemented some of the life lessons I've learned so far.
This time I'm focusing on what DOESN'T work for me. How my brain ticks and what I do to, inadvertently, set myself up for failure. Now that I'm figuring those ticks out I'm finding it easier to avoid them.
I'm talking all sorts of thing here. But mainly repetitions things. thing that I'll have to do forever if I want to be a healthy person. Or a person who actually wants some part of forever.
Like:
Food choices. I'm not limiting myself to a standard "eat this every day" meal plan. I've done that and once I get burnt out (and I always do) I don't know what to eat. So I'm finding a variety of things and mixing them up, so when something doesn't' taste good anymore I have other things to fold in the mix.
or:
expectations. I'm not telling myself that "once I'm thin I'll be happy with myself" or other self talk sentences that aren't true. Once I get thin, I'll be thin. I'm already happy - just fat. My happiness doesn't go hand in hand with my weight - NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WANT TO CONVINCE MYSELF IT DOES. I will NOT be happy if I only get thin. This type of self talk is defeating to me because once I get thin I will still be the same self doubting, nervous wreck person I've always been. those are other issues altogether. Granted, I'm working on the right now as well, but they aren't dependant on my weight and I can't allow myself to think it is.
and:
experiments. I'm trying new foods. foods I've told myself for years I don't like. Some I still don't. But many, I do like. That's been one of the coolest things so far. Being semi-adventurous about food and enjoying it. I think that will help me be successful in the long run.
and finally - timing. I have to convince myself this is going to take a long time. and that I'm not going to do it all in one day. Or one year. I'm treating it just an alcoholic treats his disease. One day at a time. this is an addiction for me, I'm treating it as such.
so what am I doing? really, now that I really think about it. I'm 12 stepping.
If you are ready to give something a try I would recommend the skinny switch secret site. It's not as "eat right for 2 days then anything you want the 3rd" as they claim. But it is common sense, good eating. what skinny switch does is allow you a treat every third day. This is something I love, because I really CAN eat spot on for 2 days, then allow myself something special the 3rd.
I'm going to post something else right now too. Something that might be fun to team up on this blog. work together to have our own little cheering section, if you will.
Thanks for the question. we'll be talking again soon, I'm thinking :)
Michelle
I'm basically doing my own version of the "diet" at www.skinnyswitchsecret.com it's this site that I found of some infomercial while laying awake one night. Your general calorie counting system. Only it's kinda not. At least not for me.
You see, I've got a wealth of knowledge about food and portion sizes and all that crap from my time with Weight Watchers FOREVER ago. It's all still up there (which I find pretty amazing as nothing else really is) So when this skinny switch advertisement came on it just struck something within me.
I was ready.
When you are ready, it's not so much what you follow, or change, but that you are finally ready to make those changes.
Like with any other diet plan, it can't be a diet if you want to remain successful, forever. Having done this already (15 years ago) I did have some knowledge about myself. Over the last decade and a half I have been paying attention to my body and mind, even if I haven't done a damn thing about it. with my new found readiness I'm implemented some of the life lessons I've learned so far.
This time I'm focusing on what DOESN'T work for me. How my brain ticks and what I do to, inadvertently, set myself up for failure. Now that I'm figuring those ticks out I'm finding it easier to avoid them.
I'm talking all sorts of thing here. But mainly repetitions things. thing that I'll have to do forever if I want to be a healthy person. Or a person who actually wants some part of forever.
Like:
Food choices. I'm not limiting myself to a standard "eat this every day" meal plan. I've done that and once I get burnt out (and I always do) I don't know what to eat. So I'm finding a variety of things and mixing them up, so when something doesn't' taste good anymore I have other things to fold in the mix.
or:
expectations. I'm not telling myself that "once I'm thin I'll be happy with myself" or other self talk sentences that aren't true. Once I get thin, I'll be thin. I'm already happy - just fat. My happiness doesn't go hand in hand with my weight - NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WANT TO CONVINCE MYSELF IT DOES. I will NOT be happy if I only get thin. This type of self talk is defeating to me because once I get thin I will still be the same self doubting, nervous wreck person I've always been. those are other issues altogether. Granted, I'm working on the right now as well, but they aren't dependant on my weight and I can't allow myself to think it is.
and:
experiments. I'm trying new foods. foods I've told myself for years I don't like. Some I still don't. But many, I do like. That's been one of the coolest things so far. Being semi-adventurous about food and enjoying it. I think that will help me be successful in the long run.
and finally - timing. I have to convince myself this is going to take a long time. and that I'm not going to do it all in one day. Or one year. I'm treating it just an alcoholic treats his disease. One day at a time. this is an addiction for me, I'm treating it as such.
so what am I doing? really, now that I really think about it. I'm 12 stepping.
If you are ready to give something a try I would recommend the skinny switch secret site. It's not as "eat right for 2 days then anything you want the 3rd" as they claim. But it is common sense, good eating. what skinny switch does is allow you a treat every third day. This is something I love, because I really CAN eat spot on for 2 days, then allow myself something special the 3rd.
I'm going to post something else right now too. Something that might be fun to team up on this blog. work together to have our own little cheering section, if you will.
Thanks for the question. we'll be talking again soon, I'm thinking :)
Michelle
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
fourteenth note to self - numbers
down 3 lbs last week. Pants aren't loose, yet, but only because they were SO tight that I have to get to fitting before they start falling off. But even then, I can tell. I'm getting a little teeny bit smaller. and it's cool.
and I can't think about how much smaller I need to get. Or how many sizes I need to drop. Or the 3 digits plus of poundage that need to come off before I get close to my goal. I have to think about today. TODAY I will do my best.
sometimes today is even too long to think about it. sometimes it's "this morning" or "before I go to bed" or "while at Chili's"
baby steps, self, baby steps. One day at a time. that's all you need to do.
m
and I can't think about how much smaller I need to get. Or how many sizes I need to drop. Or the 3 digits plus of poundage that need to come off before I get close to my goal. I have to think about today. TODAY I will do my best.
sometimes today is even too long to think about it. sometimes it's "this morning" or "before I go to bed" or "while at Chili's"
baby steps, self, baby steps. One day at a time. that's all you need to do.
m
thirteenth note to self - new feelings
Something I'm noticed over that last 2 1/2 weeks of eating like a normal healthy(ish) person, I'm not used to not being FULL. I'm also not used to be hungry (or what I thought was hunger). I always bounced between the two extremes. Now, not so much. Now, I don't ever really feel starving. My stomach doesn't growl. I don't ever feel week or deprived. It's cool.
I also don't ever feel crazy full. That overwhelming full where the pants get unbuttoned and the couch screams for you to join it. That one is harder to get used to, and a couple times I have lost the battle to a serving of mashed potatoes so I could feel that solid lump in my belly.
that lump = my (previous) definition of full.
I'm also not used to being satisfied. I'm not used to feeling like I've had the exact right amount food when I only had a little bit, or when then is some left, or before I eat so much I can feel the food backing up in my throat.
It's a good feeling, for sure. But new. And new is weird a little bit. It feels real, and solid, and like something I can actually do for, like, ever. Which is kinda the goal.
me
I also don't ever feel crazy full. That overwhelming full where the pants get unbuttoned and the couch screams for you to join it. That one is harder to get used to, and a couple times I have lost the battle to a serving of mashed potatoes so I could feel that solid lump in my belly.
that lump = my (previous) definition of full.
I'm also not used to being satisfied. I'm not used to feeling like I've had the exact right amount food when I only had a little bit, or when then is some left, or before I eat so much I can feel the food backing up in my throat.
It's a good feeling, for sure. But new. And new is weird a little bit. It feels real, and solid, and like something I can actually do for, like, ever. Which is kinda the goal.
me
twelfth note to self - reminder
WRITE HERE! You feel better when you do. So keep doing it. k, you?!
me
me
Monday, March 23, 2009
eleventh note to self - recharge
It might be time, already, to go back and read what you've written to yourself. Maintaining good habits this weekend was kinda hard. I did okay, but not great. What I need to remember is that great isn't going to happen all the time. Or even most of the time. This is a lifestyle change and I can't expect myself to do great, like ever. Good will be good enough. Good is sustainable. You can do good.
Remember, do not set yourself up for failure with unrealistic goals.
Remember, baby steps. You've had a lifetime to get used to your unhealthiness. It's going to take some time to get used to healthy.
Remember, write here. Come back and read this. I'm 5 minutes into this post and I can already feel a shift in my brain and body. Sounds weird, I'm sure, but it's like writing it down simultaneously lifts me up and grounds me. crazy. It motivates me and reminds me why I'm doing this.
You can do this. You ARE doing this. Keep it up.
me
p.s. oh yeah, down 5 pounds last week.
Remember, do not set yourself up for failure with unrealistic goals.
Remember, baby steps. You've had a lifetime to get used to your unhealthiness. It's going to take some time to get used to healthy.
Remember, write here. Come back and read this. I'm 5 minutes into this post and I can already feel a shift in my brain and body. Sounds weird, I'm sure, but it's like writing it down simultaneously lifts me up and grounds me. crazy. It motivates me and reminds me why I'm doing this.
You can do this. You ARE doing this. Keep it up.
me
p.s. oh yeah, down 5 pounds last week.
Friday, March 20, 2009
tenth note to self - halfies
A few tricks:
Half of (I'm guessing any) restaurant meal can be set aside and you'll be plenty full. If the meal can't be cut in half and set aside, like with a sandwich, ask the server to only plate half, and box the other half. Or ask for a box when the meal arrives and half it yourself. Today, though, you were strong enough to cut in half and leave it on your plate until after the meal. Good job, self!
Eat slowly. Putting the fork down between bites helps a ton.
Drink a few gulps of water between each bite. Not only does that help slow things down, it also helps fill the belly. And, as an extra perk, it gives your hands something to do while you're not holding the fork.
me
Half of (I'm guessing any) restaurant meal can be set aside and you'll be plenty full. If the meal can't be cut in half and set aside, like with a sandwich, ask the server to only plate half, and box the other half. Or ask for a box when the meal arrives and half it yourself. Today, though, you were strong enough to cut in half and leave it on your plate until after the meal. Good job, self!
Eat slowly. Putting the fork down between bites helps a ton.
Drink a few gulps of water between each bite. Not only does that help slow things down, it also helps fill the belly. And, as an extra perk, it gives your hands something to do while you're not holding the fork.
me
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
ninth note to self - don't compare
So what if by 8:00 am someone else has already been to the gym for spin class, and weight training! You aren't her. You can't control what she does. You can only control what you do.
Besides, this morning you woke up feeling good. You got the kids ready without conflict. You packed food for the day so you won't have to eat fast food. You brought water along for the ride to work so you wouldn't stop for a soda. You had a healthy snack at work and didn't have the urge to take that last donut.
I dunno, Michelle. Sounds like a good morning so far!
me
Besides, this morning you woke up feeling good. You got the kids ready without conflict. You packed food for the day so you won't have to eat fast food. You brought water along for the ride to work so you wouldn't stop for a soda. You had a healthy snack at work and didn't have the urge to take that last donut.
I dunno, Michelle. Sounds like a good morning so far!
me
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
eighth note to self - moderation
When you don't indulge every. single. meal. there is an enormous reward after the times you do treat yourself.
Take right now. You have been diligent all week. Been making good choices and eating in moderation. Doing that made the chicken veggie sandwich from Bertha's that much better. Its like anything that is good. When done I moderation its - it's fantastic!!!
Equally important, you made a good choice with the sammy. Keep doing that! Sure, it has that delicious mayo. But it also has a ton of veggies. So the bread and mayo were a splurge. Enjoy it and stay on program. If you do, the next time you indulge you will be more likely to feel that great food high that you are currently riding.
me
Take right now. You have been diligent all week. Been making good choices and eating in moderation. Doing that made the chicken veggie sandwich from Bertha's that much better. Its like anything that is good. When done I moderation its - it's fantastic!!!
Equally important, you made a good choice with the sammy. Keep doing that! Sure, it has that delicious mayo. But it also has a ton of veggies. So the bread and mayo were a splurge. Enjoy it and stay on program. If you do, the next time you indulge you will be more likely to feel that great food high that you are currently riding.
me
seventh note to self - today
breathe.
You are not going to be thin in a week.
Let it go.
Live one day at a time.
Make healthy choices TODAY.
Live for today.
Don't worry about "having to do this for the rest of my life"
Today.
Just do your best.
Accept that it's going to take a long time.
Accept that it's going to take way longer than you would like.
Accept that it's going to take just as much time as it needs to take.
Accept.
Breathe.
Decide.
Choose.
Live.
me
You are not going to be thin in a week.
Let it go.
Live one day at a time.
Make healthy choices TODAY.
Live for today.
Don't worry about "having to do this for the rest of my life"
Today.
Just do your best.
Accept that it's going to take a long time.
Accept that it's going to take way longer than you would like.
Accept that it's going to take just as much time as it needs to take.
Accept.
Breathe.
Decide.
Choose.
Live.
me
Monday, March 16, 2009
sixth note to self - verses
Hunger vs. Habit. I can already tell that this is going to be the first of many "hunger verses" questions that I'm going to have with myself. This point was made clear while driving home and talking to peter about the evening plans. It was 5:00 and I felt hungry. Or so I thought. Peter made the comment that it's hard to tell, is it "hunger or habit?" I hadn't thought about habit much before. Which is semi-frightening, actually. But once I did, it didn't take much a minute or two for the belly to quiet down and the thought of food to vanish.
So remember, question yourself. Are you hungry? Really hungry? Does your body need food? Or are you in the habit of eating? Does this place, time, scenario, room, trigger something that makes you feel like you want to eat?
If you are hungry, eat.
If you are continuing a HABIT, don't eat. Easy peasy, right!? (haa!)
me
So remember, question yourself. Are you hungry? Really hungry? Does your body need food? Or are you in the habit of eating? Does this place, time, scenario, room, trigger something that makes you feel like you want to eat?
If you are hungry, eat.
If you are continuing a HABIT, don't eat. Easy peasy, right!? (haa!)
me
fifth note to self - black hole
A while back, after a day of full on eating and drinking and indulging, remember how incredibly empty you felt? How now matter what you put into your mouth there was a vacancy? A black hole of emptiness that made you wonder what was missing? This pit that, you thought, called for food, but the more you gave it, the bigger it got? Remember how you sat there, half sick, and then you realized the shell of yourself you were trying to complete wasn’t anywhere near fulfilled?
Remember?
Yeah, I thought so. That void? That’s emptiness? It needs to be filled with confidence and love and attention to self. NOT FOOD. Remember that, would ya? Remember when you feel hallow it’s time to look inward and praise yourself. It’s time to pray for strength. It’s time to believe that you rock. It’s time to take control.
It’s not time to stuff that hole with food or drink. Remember!
me
Remember?
Yeah, I thought so. That void? That’s emptiness? It needs to be filled with confidence and love and attention to self. NOT FOOD. Remember that, would ya? Remember when you feel hallow it’s time to look inward and praise yourself. It’s time to pray for strength. It’s time to believe that you rock. It’s time to take control.
It’s not time to stuff that hole with food or drink. Remember!
me
fourth note to self - agua
You like water!
Yes, you do. No...I'm not lying. You really really do. TRUST ME.
me
Yes, you do. No...I'm not lying. You really really do. TRUST ME.
me
third note to self - do-over
I know you've been thinking about why you've let yourself get so out of control. What happened to you? Something had to have happened, right? I mean people don't just become obese without something tragic or some other shit happening, do they?
Yes, they can. Oh well, YOU can. YOU did. Nothing expectionally bad has ever really happened to you to excuse not taking care of yourself. NOTHING HAPPENED SELF! Get over it. You've just allowed yourself to not give a damn. Quit blaming. Quit searching. Just quit.
Start over. Today. Decide that it doesn't matter if something did or did not happen. start over. Start caring about yourself, today!
me
Yes, they can. Oh well, YOU can. YOU did. Nothing expectionally bad has ever really happened to you to excuse not taking care of yourself. NOTHING HAPPENED SELF! Get over it. You've just allowed yourself to not give a damn. Quit blaming. Quit searching. Just quit.
Start over. Today. Decide that it doesn't matter if something did or did not happen. start over. Start caring about yourself, today!
me
second note to self - get control
This is about control. And food. You have allowed food to control you. Is that how you want to live, letting something else control you? That's not how you live in any other aspect of your life. So why food? Why let it control you?
Turn this around. YOU be in control of food. YOU decide. YOU choose. YOU live.
me
Turn this around. YOU be in control of food. YOU decide. YOU choose. YOU live.
me
Sunday, March 15, 2009
first note to self - not hungry
I woke up this morning and I wasn't hungry. Which is strange because I wasn't hungry last night either. I'm not really used to not feeling hungry. Or at least feeling like I had to eat. It feels good. Like my body has figured something out. Like it turned around to look at itself and said HOLY SHIT CHECK OUT THAT BUFFET!!!
me
me
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